Coping with drama in the office is one of many worst parts of being an executive. It has the potential to suck the life out of you, and to kill your motivation, and for many of my clients, it leaves them wondering: "Why did I choose this career?" The very best exemplory instance of that is one my clients - we shall call him John.
John could be the CEO of a production company. He hates drama. You are able to literally see his skin crawl when he discusses it. His face scrunches up. His shoulders tighten and he winces when he discusses the most recent drama of the day. "I just don't get it. What is everyone's problem? Why can't they only do their work? It's like working with children." Then his body crumbles, and he looks defeated. Exhausted. Helpless. Weighed down.
We can all relate genuinely to John. We've all experience political situations that individuals would rather forget. Those times when we are caught in a top of workplace drama - one individual is upset, gossip in the organization is rampant, and we feel like a ping pong ball as we bounce around trying to make sense of the issue. So, what is an executive to accomplish? If you are caught in drama, how will you escape this dark hole?
First off, let's discuss what to not do. John illustrates this well. Every time John experiences drama, he avoids it. He literally shuts down. His face goes blank. He starts to squirm, and he typically nods in a placating way. And in addition, the placating nod does the absolute most harm. When he nods, people feel understood, but when John he takes no action, they get mad. Final result? They attack John. Dramacool They whisper in the lunch room: "What's his problem? He doesn't do anything!" Some individuals get angry. The irony is that now folks have a brand new issue to bond around - John's deadbeat behaviour. It is not surprising that John has 45% turnover in his company. Not good.
So, the thing that was John doing wrong? Well, a couple of things. To begin with, he distanced himself from the drama to the point he escalated the problem. By distancing himself, John became the main drama problem because nothing got handled in a constructive way.
One of many basic principles of working with drama at the office is to recognize your emotional patterns whenever you encounter drama and to recognize how your typical reaction plays a part in the problem. Does it escalate it? Enable others? Or diffuse it? If John was able to self-manage his reactions better, he could have got a different tactic when employees stumbled on him about issues. He could have expressed confidence within their ability to deal with the specific situation constructively, facilitated the development of a behavioural code of conduct, or earned a skilled third party to simply help them. Instead, he was so busy managing his own anxiety, nothing got done.
Second, he created a "drama triangle" - a seductive high energy interaction including blaming, defensive behaviour, and rescuing. Drama triangles are recognizably consistent no real matter what the facts of the specific situation and they include the following roles:
The Persecutor: "This provider is this kind of hole." "I can't believe the grade of management." "It is all John's fault." "That VP, Sales is a real idiot." All the power adopts finding someone or something the culprit for all your company's problems. Blaming somebody else makes people feel much better and, obviously, it means others have to alter, not you.
The Victim: "I tried my best." "I couldn't get through." "They did this to me." This is actually the victim in the drama. They use a helpless tone, and don't take personal responsibility. They might try to find someone to rescue them, or the culprit, to be able to get rid of their negative feelings.
The Rescuer: Rescuers need a victim to feel good. They're "do-gooders" without boundaries. "Let me fix this. Let me take this on." "I could save the day." "Let me rescue this poor person who was hard done by." Rescuers may try to simply help people without being asked, or they take a twisted pleasure in getting their nose into other people's drama.
A lot of people learn the power of being a persecutor, victim, or rescuer as children and they continue doing this behaviour within their career without being conscious of it. As an executive, if you engage in this behaviour or react to it, you'll escalate the drama and there will be a price to cover - people won't desire to work for you, you'll feel drained at the office, and you'll produce a negative culture.
To break the cycle, you'll need setting the tone of personal accountability, respect, choice, and principled behaviour in your organization and work culture. Here are a few specific tactics:
- Look out for drama triangles and start to look closely at who is playing the role of persecutor, victim, and rescuer. Be mindful of which role you often play.
-Consider the payoff in your organization to take on a certain role. Are people "bonding" together when they have somebody else the culprit? Are they avoiding working with the complexity of issues by blaming one individual? Do the "victims" get pity? Do people feel sorry for them, or stay clear, thereby giving them power? Are you currently creating dependence in your organization by rescuing people? Self-righteousness?
- Explore what is being avoided by participating in the drama. Are there some deeper issues in the organization that must be addressed? In that case, what're they?
- Notice your reactions to drama. What have you been doing? Not doing? What have you been taking responsibility for? Perhaps you have agreed to accomplish more than you want to?
- When you get set off by a crisis, give attention to grounding yourself. Don't deal with the drama until you will get involved without escalating your own emotional reaction.
- Facilitate a wholesome outcome by emphasizing principles - respect, honesty, and making agreements that work. Observe that the more intense the drama, the harder it is to get visitors to produce a wholesome outcome.
-If you are too near to the issue at hand, get yourself a facilitator or executive coach to facilitate healthy dialogue.
